Jamie is 10 years old and lives with his mother and two younger sisters who are 4 and 6.
His mum and dad used to live together until about two years ago but they fought a lot and Jamie was unhappy because his mum was sad. When his dad left no-one talked to Jamie about where he was going although he hoped he wasn’t coming back because he was a bit frightened of him when he was drunk.
Jamie thought that they would be a happy family now that his dad was gone – he never kept in touch and Jamie did not know where he was – there was always the chance that he might come back and that scared him a bit.
After his dad left Jamie’s mum was very sad and cried a lot. Jamie thought that she would be happy because there were no more rows and shouting all the time. That’s when Jamie’s mum began to drink. Jamie would come in from school and see the empty bottles around the house – when he asked his mother about it she said that she had friends in and they had a ‘wee drink’ and that she needed company because she was lonely. Jamie thought that he was company for his mum and that would be enough. After a while Jamie would come in from school and the dinner would not be made so Jamie had to make dinner for them all – he was not good at cooking so he managed to open tins although he did get better with practice. His mum would fall asleep and he would have to get his sisters ready for bed – his mum needed a long lie so a lot of the time she was not up in the morning and Jamie had to make sure that they had breakfast and got to nursery and school on time – he did it although he was only 10.
Jamie was tired at school and felt really grumpy with his friends and teachers – he wanted to tell them but he was ashamed and afraid of what might happen to his family if anyone knew the truth. Jamie couldn’t go to his friend’s houses as he had to get home and see that his mum and sisters were okay – he couldn’t have friends round to his house in case his mum was drunk. His teachers were putting pressure on him as he wasn’t doing his homework – he was just too tired. He was very jealous when he heard the things his friends did with their families – why couldn’t his life be like that!
One day at school when Jamie got into trouble for not doing homework his teacher kept him in at playtime and asked him if everything was ok at home and that’s when he told her about his mum. He was upset and told the teacher he did not want his mum to get in trouble but he needed some help.
The teacher got a social worker to visit at home and his mum cried and told her what had been happening. She was really nice and got all sorts of help for the family from Quarriers. The whole family went along to the local Quarriers Family Centre where they got lots of support from project workers. Jamie’s Mum attends a women’s group where she can share her experience of domestic abuse and learn about how this and her drinking has affected her children. She meets a counsellor who helps her to manage her drinking. They all attend family groups where they get a chance to improve their relationships and begin to rebuild trust in each other.
They also get practical support from a support worker who visits them at home to help mum get the children ready and out to nursery and school.
Jamie got to know a young carers support worker who talked to him about what it’s like to be looking after your family when you are still young.
She listened to Jamie’s worries about his mum and got him into a group for other children who have similar families. It’s helped Jamie a lot as now he knows that he is not the only one with problems and he gets to go on outings and activities which help him forget about all the things going on at home and play and laugh for a while just like ordinary children do. Jamie gets to meet the young carers support worker once or twice a week and it really helps to have someone who can listen and talk things through with him. He talks a lot about his dad and what used to happen at home when he was drunk and is beginning to see that none of it was his fault.
Things are still difficult at home sometimes but Jamie and his family have people around to help and Jamie has to worry less about looking after everybody all the time, so he is doing better in school and is beginning to make friends again. Jamie’s mum is growing in confidence and is beginning to smile a bit more.
