“I care for my mum. She has physical conditions, is getting older and is an alcoholic.
She lives alone since my dad left, so she’s only got me. And I feel that.
I phone every day. I visit twice a week. I have the power of attorney. I pay her bills. I managed her move to a new house. I really need to do everything.
I also work from home, so I spend the vast majority of time on my own. I feel like I just work and visit my mum.
I was struggling. I had depression, and I was drinking too much. I knew things were getting on top of me, so I went online and looked for help. I referred myself to the service at Quarriers.
Lorna was my support worker. She really helped. She would call every couple of weeks. Just talking to her was great. You need to know you’re not alone. Caring is a lot.
I work, so I’m not in financial difficulty, but I’ve not been trained. I’m just learning on the job. At different times when things come up you think ‘where should I go for help with that?’ but that’s why it’s good to have a charity to point you in the right direction.
For so long, my mum would be saying, ‘you need to look after yourself’ and I have started to realise that.
What you need sounds simple when you think about it – get out for a walk, meet people, build relationships. The only thing is, there are not so many chances to talk to men like me, there aren’t so many men’s carers groups – and men do need to talk more about their emotions. So, I have found that hard.
My three-month block of support came to an end, but Lorna has not forgotten about me, she’s still been in touch.
She has signposted me to a couple of groups, and recently I undertook a 16-week session with SAMH called ‘Achieving Actives’.
This was run in conjunction with ‘Movember’ aimed at men who feel they need to improve their physical wellbeing.
It has been greatly beneficial, and I have really reaped the benefits both physically and mentally.”